Year of the Lads Month 3, Post and Giveaway #2

Welcome back to coverage of our third Year of the Lads book, Playing to Win, starring those wild-eyed enemies-to-lovers Colin MacDuff and (Lord) Andrew Sunderland.

Quick aside: There’s an official Playing to Win soundtrack! 

Warning: Soundtrack may cause dancing, crying, and dreams of revolution.

And now the main feature:

Text: “Year of the Lads”  and "#Indyref" Image: Book cover: Playing to Win: A Glasgow Lads novel by Avery Cockburn. Two shirtless men visible from necks to thighs, embracing. They’re wearing green plaid kilts and sporrans (small black pouches) with chains. One man has a tattoo on his wrist of a broken chain.

Playing to Win takes place amid the 2014 Scottish independence referendum, an issue that polarized society across Scotland and beyond. Colin was a passionate supporter for the pro-independence Yes movement; while Lord Andrew, whose aristocratic family could lose money and prestige in an independent Scotland, campaigned for No by way of snarky tweets.

The two lads are from opposite worlds and perspectives to begin with, and this issue brings an extra dollop of (delicious) conflict to their relationship. 🔥

“Talking of explanations, what’s the story behind your tattoos?”

Colin stopped chewing, and a shutter seemed to fall over his eyes. Then he set down his sandwich and stretched his left arm across the table. “This is a unicorn.”

“I can see that.” Andrew examined the black-line, almost tribal-esque design, which included only the beast’s head, neck, and chest. Its mouth was open, and its flying mane resembled flames. “It’s rather angry-looking. Is it meant to represent a rebellious Scotland?” The United Kingdom coat of arms famously featured the lion of England wearing a crown, whilst the unicorn, symbolizing Scotland, was in chains.

“Very good. Especially cos this unicorn’s chain is broken.”

Andrew reached out and traced the links, which continued up and over Colin’s forearm, into the forest of fine, dark hair. “But those chains serve a purpose. Unicorns are savage beasts. Without their shackles, who knows what havoc they could wreak?”

“I guess we’ll see about that next month, won’t we?” Colin asked with a wink. It was the first time he’d referred to the Scottish independence referendum, even obliquely. Andrew tensed. Normally he relished political arguments, but today, with this man, he wanted to forget the world.

tattoo in black ink of a unicorn with a broken chain around its neck
Colin’s left-arm unicorn tattoo. Fun fact: You can see the rest of it on Playing to Win‘s front cover!

Later in the story, they hold a strip-debate of the independence referendum, with some unexpected results. 🔥😈

Andrew dreads referendum day, knowing that no matter the outcome, someone he loves will be destroyed. Sure enough, when the vote tallies start to be announced the night of 18 September, Colin’s heart shatters. Independence was more than a political issue for him. He’d pinned his every hope for the future on it, and for the first time in his life, he had felt something like hope, had believed a “skint lad fae the Drum” like him could make a difference. On the soundtrack, Passenger sings what Colin feels:

God knows I failed,
but he knows that I’ve tried.
I long for something that’s safe and warm
But all I have is all that is gone.
I’m as helpless and as hopeless
as a feather on the Clyde.


If you want to know more about what it was like to be there, I found an interesting link in my notes about that day, night, and immediate aftermath. This blog post was written by a young woman from New Zealand who was studying in Scotland at the time. Since she was a resident, she was able to vote and campaign in the referendum.

These days, emotionally crushing political results are common, when it feels like the whole world is at stake on every election or referendum. I had many readers tell me that the Playing to Win scenes on indyref night—as each constituency result was another kick in Colin’s gut—brought back memories of 2016, a year when the UK and the US shocked, well, everyone, including themselves.

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To be entered into this week’s giveaway and the monthly giveaway, leave a comment on this post. What’s your favorite fictional example of two people who start on opposite sides and become friends/allies/lovers?

We’re currently rewatching Star Trek: Deep Space Nine (actually watching more than rewatching, since we originally saw only the first 4 seasons and forgot most of what we did see). I love a good cop/criminal friendship, so I relished the relationship arc of stick-in-the-mud security chief Odo and contraband smuggler Quark. Complete moral opposites, they are already enemies when the show begins. But having such a formidable foe makes each character better at what they do, and that grudging respect eventually turns into a friendship they will neither admit nor abandon, no matter the risk to their lives.

GIVEAWAY DETAILS:

  • Comments from all weekly posts will be automatically entered to win the monthly prize.
  • THIS WEEK’S PRIZE: a free ebook of mine, winner’s choice. Open through Sunday, 26 October. 
  • THIS MONTH’S PRIZE: An autographed copy of the Playing to Win paperback. Open through Sunday, 2 November.
  • Pool of entrants will consist of comments on this post, the blog version, and replies to my newsletter. 
  • One entry per person per weekly drawing.
  • International entries welcome.

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“He is the one thing in this world you cannot afford.”

Colin MacDuff has nothing. Growing up in a Glasgow slum, he learned never to trust, never to cry—and never EVER to be at the mercy of anyone, especially rich men. So how did he end up half-naked at a rave with Scotland’s hottest young aristocrat?

Lord Andrew Sunderland has everything. From ancestral castle to posh prep school, he’s spent his life wrapping others around his wee finger. With a social circle full of celebrities and politicians, nothing can stop Andrew’s rise to the top. Nothing, that is, save his desire for a dirt-poor, wolf-eyed footballer whose scars and tattoos tell unbearable tales.

Colin and Andrew come from different worlds, believe in different worlds, want different worlds. Yet every time they touch, all worlds fall away.

Set amid the fiery Scottish-independence struggle, this searing gay romance tells the story of two men who must lose everything to win each other’s hearts.

—

Playing to Win can be read as a stand-alone and has happily ever after with no cliffhanger.

Cicadas Soundtrack annotations part 3

In previous posts, I introduced the soundtrack to my new stand-alone contemporary romance Cicadas: A Totally Ordinary Epic Love Story, a soundtrack you can find in all these places:

Cicadas official soundtrack on Spotify
Cicadas official soundtrack as YouTube playlist

Notes on Part 3 (2021)

Though I had one “playalong while writing” playlist for 1987 and 2004, I created separate 2021 Joel and 2021 Daniel playlists. I would listen to Joel’s playlist when I was writing his scenes and Daniel’s when I was writing his.

At the time, I split them simply because of the sheer volume of albums. But looking back, I think it helped create and reinforce the sense of their physical separation. These weren’t albums they were listening to together (I can’t see Joel listening to Demi Lovato any more than I can see Daniel listening to Fred again..). These were albums that gave each of them strength in their isolation. (The one artist they shared was, of course, Taylor Swift.)

No Time for Love Like Now by Michael Stipe and Big Red Machine (a Joel song): Oh, man, this song just embodies that hope-tinged desolation of the pandemic. Joel tells Daniel about the song in their first Zoom call.

Your voice is echoing love, love, love, love, love
I hear it far, far away
And I am waiting for you
Whatever waiting means in this new place
I am waiting for you.

Dim by SYML (a Joel song): This is about Joel losing his mom. Grab a box of tissues when you listen.

Though you had to go,
I won't forget your light.
The world got a little more dim tonight.

John Cusack by Olivia Wendel (a Daniel song). Is there an artist you feel like only you know? I wish I could remember who first told me about Wendel so I could thank them. She’s amazing. The song title is a reference to the movie Serendipity, where two people meet briefly and form an instant connection only to accidentally lose each other (this was before the internet as we know it).

The Last Man on Earth by Wolf Alice (a Joel song): This is apparently about the arrogance of humans always seeing themselves in other people’s texts, especially songs. In Chapter 26, Joel and Daniel use Taylor Swift songs to shine a light on their own lives and their shared experiences, but they weren’t all written to be universal.

Vitamins by Cassia (a Daniel song): A simple, sweet song about long-distance relationships.

I Need You by Jon Batiste (a Joel song): This was one of several albums I discovered via this Guardian article on making joyful music during the pandemic. Whenever you’re feeling down, check out this video:

In My Arms by Lou Barlow (a Daniel song): Their reunion. ‘Nuf said.

Now (Forever Momentary Space) by Black Monument Ensemble (a Joel song): This group I found through Part Two of the Guardian article mentioned above on hopeful music in the pandemic. I love the whole album, but I had to include this song not just because Joel and Daniel created a forever momentary space but because of the cicadas singing their little timbals out in the background. 💚

Invisible String by Taylor Swift: In a way, this is the theme song for the entire book. When Daniel says this is the song that most makes him think of Joel, Joel is stunned and a little scared.

Did Daniel think they were soulmates? The whole concept was so depressing—what if that predestined love-of-your-life got hit by a bus or eaten by a crocodile before you could ever meet? Would you be doomed to a life of misery or at least vague dissatisfaction?


Maybe Joel was looking at it the wrong way. “We are where we are,” Daniel had just said. “We are who we are.” But if he believed in that ‘Invisible String’ song, he was saying something bigger. He was saying that who they were now was who they were meant to be, that their journeys had brought them to this place at this time and made them ready for each other.

Which meant the actual existence of soulmates wasn’t the fucking point.

Or, as Taylor puts it:

Hell was the journey, but it brought me heaven.

In the book there are oblique references to invisible strings, once in 1987 and again in 2004. If you find them, you win a prize! And that prize is satisfaction.

Heavy Focus by Adrienne Lenker (a Daniel song): Lenker uses the metaphor of photography to portray the exquisite terror that comes with an intense connection. There’s a bit that reminds me of the end of Part One:

Shaky like the first dance
Shaky like the first time
Our palms met in the clam sweat

Pow by The Go! Team: SUCH a fun song. I put it on my “Wake the F*** Up” playlist, which is caffeine for my ears. It’s the favorite song of Hailey, Daniel’s daughter and thus his ringtone for her, because he’s an adorkable dad.

Telepath by Manchester Orchestra (a Daniel song): Okay, THIS is actually also the (other) theme song for the book. The song and its video tell of a love in three parts, through the couple’s life (and, in the video’s case, the death of one). The final verse hits me particularly hard as an older person still deeply in love who often can’t believe that her usually foolish self was wise enough to choose the right companion on life’s journey. I cannot sing it all the way through without happy-pain crying.

In my mind you are the road I chose to travel
Might as well have been the very last thing I decide
Half the time I'm lost, afraid that you're just borrowed
Don't matter much to me, man,
I'm not afraid to die.
Baby, are you with me?
Do you forgive me?
You're the one I wanted,
one I want when I am old.
...When I'm falling

*wipes tears*

Meant For Me by Angelique Kidjo: Just a fucking joy.

I don't care if you're rich or poor
From Milano or from LA,
I don't care about your DNA
All I know is you're meant for me.
I don't care if your money goes,
I don't care if your beauty fades.
All I know is we'll be okay.
All I know is you're meant for me.

Thanks for tuning in!

Cicadas Soundtrack annotations part 2

In my last post, I introduced the soundtrack to my new stand-alone contemporary romance Cicadas: A Totally Ordinary Epic Love Story, a soundtrack you can find in all these places:

Scroll down to find out why I included each song. 🚨Warning: Cicadas spoilers ahead!

Cicadas official soundtrack on Spotify
Cicadas official soundtrack as YouTube playlist

Notes on Part 2 (2004)

Take Me Out by Franz Ferdinand: In the record shop, Joel makes Dan buy this debut CD from FF. “That album’s amazing,” Joel says. “And a little bit gay. Just like you.”

Hey-Ya! by Outkast: Late in Part 2 as they’re lying in bed, Joel explains to Dan the chaotic nature of cicadas’ mating ritual:

Imagine a massive, jam-packed speed-dating event where all of the guys are singing Outkast’s ‘Hey Ya!’ at the top of their lungs. And then every time a woman smiles at the man across the table from her, three other dudes show up and try to sing over their conversation.

Cicadas: A Totally Ordinary Epic Love Story, Chapter 12

What makes this song SO appropriate is that the chorus “Heeey-yaaaaaaaaa!” features a downslur on the second syllable, just like the mating call of the Magicicada septendecim. Serendipity!

Thematically, it’s a song about two people with divergent ideas about relationships. And about shaking it like a Polaroid picture.

Rich Man’s War by Steve Earle: Along with the backlash to same-sex marriage, the main issue in the 2004 election was the Iraq War and its complicated relationship to 9/11 (Joel and Dan have a thoughtful conversation about all of this in Chapter 8). Two major protest albums were released that year: American Idiot by Green Day and The Revolution Starts Now by alt-country artist Steve Earle.

When will we ever learn
When will we ever see
Stand up and take our turn
Tellin' ourselves we're free

The final verse about the boy from Gaza is the gut-punch that elevates this song to the realm of brilliance.

The Hardest Button to Button by White Stripes: No special meaning other than I wanted to include a song from this prominent album, and Seven Nation Army has become timeless, thanks to sporting events.

Pink Bullets by The Shins: Oh man, this whole song could be Joel and Dan in the first half of their lives, both the 1987-2004 separation and the 2004-2021 one: the regrets, the moving on, and the way they held each other in deepest memory.

When our kite lines first crossed
We tied 'em into knots
But to finally fly apart
We had to cut them off

Everybody’s Changing by Keane: This one’s right in the text, as they listen to it during the drive back to the hotel. Later, as Dan confesses to driving 1,489 miles to see Joel, he’s rubbing the title on the CD case: Hopes and Dreams. Oh, Dan. ❤️

Hands Down by Dashboard Confessional: This is the opening track not just to their album A Mark, A Mission, A Brand, A Scar, but to my Cicadas 2004 playlist I listened to when I was working on Part 2. It’s so joyous and passionate, perfect not just for their first kiss in the car but for all of Part 2 when they’re together.

My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me
So won't you kill me, so I die happy?
My heart is yours to fill or burst, to break or bury
Or wear as jewelry, whichever you prefer

Moonrock Mambo by Yo La Tengo: This song encapsulates the joy, laughter, and passion Joel and Dan find together in that hotel room. And it’s the mambo Joel mentions when Dan puts on the CD.

Lack of Color by Death Cab for Cutie: Another band that no mid-00s soundtrack would be complete without. I chose this song because it uses photography as a metaphor for a relationship:

And when I see you
I really see you upside down
But my brain knows better
It picks you up and turns you around

Love Can Destroy Everything by The Raveonettes: One of my favorite bands. The song title says it all. And it’s a waltz!

My Happy Ending by Avril Lavigne: Dan plays his new CD of hers as he speeds away from Columbia. But he can’t outrun his heartbreak, and Avril doesn’t help.

What I didn’t realize until a couple of weeks ago is that there’s a line in the song that refers to an “unbreakable thread,” which is a recurring motif in the novel. Serendipity Part Deux!

Hear the Cicadas official soundtrack (plus Part 1 annotation)

Several readers have emailed me asking for a playlist for Cicadas: A Totally Ordinary Epic Love Story, a book that has music at the core of its throbbing heart. It was the world’s easiest request, because of course I’ve been thinking about the soundtrack since I started writing the book in 2021.

This is the “official” version, the one most faithful to the timeline, which means the songs fit one strict criteria: They were released in roughly the year before the story takes place. For example, all the Part 1 songs were released Spring 1986 through Spring 1987. So zero anachronisms!

Scroll past the YouTube video to learn why I included the Part One songs. Parts Two and Three to come in later posts.

Cicadas soundtrack on Spotify
Cicadas soundtrack on YouTube

Notes on Part One (1987) songs:

I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For by U2: In Part One, Danny’s wearing a Joshua Tree shirt (for a while, at least). Little does he know how well the song describes the journey his life will take. According to analysts on the internet, the song is written in the style of King David of Psalms fame.

I have climbed highest mountains
I have run through the fields
I have driven across Kansas oh god it's so flat forever and ever in all directions please kill me
Only to be with you

The Kiss by The Cure: Having just met ten minutes prior, Joel has Danny listen to this song, the opening track of Kiss Me Kiss Me Kiss Me. Bold choice, Joel. Bold choice.

Play in the Sunshine by Prince: Joel and Danny listen to Prince’s Sign o’ the Times in the meadow on a bubblegum-pink Street Beat boombox. THIS. SONG. IS. JOY.

Before my life is done
Someway, somehow
I'm gonna have fun

A Man Could Get Arrested by Pet Shop Boys: Joel mumbles the title line when Danny says they should stop flapping their arms “like chickens caught in a storm.” Then he starts singing the song, but Danny doesn’t recognize it, so it goes unnamed in the text. Deep POV, baby!

Cemetry Gates* by The Smiths: At the end of Part One, Joel gives Danny a cassette of The Smiths’ Hatful of Hollow, which he in turn got from the British exchange student who recently stayed with his family (and with whom Joel had his first same-sex sexytimes). But oh noes, Hatful of Hollow came out years earlier, making it ineligible for this list. So instead I chose one from 1986’s The Queen is Dead, a song that happens to be my favorite Smiths song of all time, partly because it’s upbeat, partly because Oscar Wilde is on my side (see lyrics below), and partly because…I don’t know, that ineffable magic that makes a song plant a flag in one’s heart.

As far as Cicadas goes, the lyrics show a pair of friends, one of whom is trying to impress the other by dropping dubious knowledge. Sound familiar?

A dreaded sunny day
So I meet you at the cemetery gates
Keats and Yeats are on your side
While Wilde is on mine.

*Not a typo. The song title is purposely misspelled, as is the pronunciation of “plagiarise” in the song, implying the narrator is not as well-read as he claims. Deep POV again, baby!

Every Little Counts by New Order: This Cute AF final track off the Brotherhood album makes me think of Joel and Danny’s laughing fits (both sober and stoned) and their general juvenile dorkiness. It also speaks to the preciousness of their time together while abandoning all sentimentality:

Every second counts
When I am with you
I think you are a pig
You should be in a zoo

Now We’re Getting Somewhere by Crowded House: One of my top 10 songs of the 80s. When I went to study in London, my best friend sent me a mixtape that concluded with this tune. To me it’s about that youthful impatience for a better world, and the moment one realizes that it takes work but we will get there if we have faith in each other. It will forever make me dance and hope.

Swan Swan H by R.E.M.: Like Joel says, it’s in 6/8 time (for awkward waltzing) and refers to the tragic human cost of the American Civil War.

What's the price of heroes?
Six of one, half-dozen the other
Tell that to the captain's mother

The Life’s Rich Pageant album was one that spurred kids in my generation to activism, whether for peace or the environment or human rights, which is why my favorite line is from These Days:

Fly to carry each his burden, we are young despite the years
We are concerned, we are hope despite the times

To this day I sing that line at the top of my lungs, and I believe it with all the sincerity a Gen X heart can contain.