I needed a laugh today, so I recorded Liam’s text-to-speech alarm from Playing With Fire, the one he uses on a Thursday when he has to wake at Fuck My Life O’Clock to go running with Fergus.

Contains profanity (beginning around 0:09), so use earphones if you’re at work. And be sure to play all the way to the end!

To make this video, I used an Android app called Gentle Alarm, which features a text-to-speech (TTS) option for both the initial alarm and the dismissal. Then I changed the date and time to match those in the book. Finally I used the AZ Screen Recorder app to capture everything that happened on the screen. The whole process took about half an hour, probably the most productive and happy-making 30 minutes I’ve spent in a long time. 😄

If you can’t listen to the video, the TTS readout–in a robot lady’s voice–says:

“It is Thursday which means it’s time to get the fuck out of bed and go running with Fergus he’s your best gay mate and really fucking important to you and anyway you didn’t work last night so you’ve no reason to be tired.”

Playing With Fire, Chapter 17

Then, after Liam shuts it off, she says:

“Did you not hear me say it’s Thursday don’t let Fergus down, you fanny.”

Playing With Fire, Chapter 17